Gi Whizz

I can only see out of my left eye. My right cheek and eyelid are so swollen they've closed over each other. As such, this morning's trip to the Ju Jitsu school saw the women on reception look at this little gringo fighter with a whole new level of respect.

Now, while I'd love to say that this was as a result of several rounds with Georges St Pierre, (a UFC fighter who’s also at the school right now) I'm afraid I can not - although the Gracie's are in a round about way responsible.

The elation of my first night at Gracie Camp soon came to an abrupt end at around 4am when my attic room became infested with mosquitoes - the camp is situated on the banks of a slow running canal. Said mozzies decided to have breakfast, lunch, dinner, elevenses, afternoon tea and bedtime snack on the right hand side of my face. While this was unpleasant enough, the effects of the allergic reaction were far, far worse, (see picture 1). Despite the discomfort and looking like the inbred half sister of the elephant man I braved the morning lesson at the Gracie school and I’m very glad that I did.

In the few short hours of my Ju Jitsu training so far I feel as though I’ve gained an insight into a fighting style that - contrary to my preconceptions - is creative, complex and, (this will sound obvious to anyone who knows anything about Ju Jitsu), bugger all to do with brute strength. There are certain grapples that I am now party to that - should I ever find myself victim of a mugger of any size who just so happens to be wearing Gi - I can easily employ to choke hold the assailant to death (assuming he has no fighting skills of his own, of course).

Casting aside the obvious aesthetic pleasure which any hot blooded woman could have found in the scene at the gym, the way in which the two fighters move, contort and tie themselves - their gis and their belts - into each other really is a work of art. Not in a Caravaggion/Brokeback sort of sense, but as if they were some kind of human mathematical puzzle. In my training I had been told on several occasions to refrain from exerting too much energy, Ju Jitsu truly isn’t about the physical force but the mental ability to unravel this complex creature conundrum to a point of domination.

I’m not quite sure what I had expected from this trip or my stay at the camp. Initially if I’m honest, much of it was based on the fact that when asked what I intended to do with my redundancy saying “I’m heading to Rio baby” sounded as cool as fuck. Saying, “I’m headed to Rio baby to fight” sounded way cooler. But I’m beginning to think that, a mere five days in, this trip I’ve planned will teach me far more about myself, the worldwide location of hot and fit men and why and how men fight than I had ever anticipated.