Bikini Booty

Goood Mooorrrning Pararty. Welcome to Body and Soul. Those of you wanting to look anywhere near socially acceptable in swimwear this year should rise and shine. It’s six am, the sun isn’t shining and you’ve got a full day of grueling exercise ahead of you.

Yep, you guessed it folks. I’ve reached boot camp. Bikini boot camp to be precise. Today we hiked for seven hours through the Brazilian jungle. Ross fell and twisted his knee, Louise has been bitten all over, Rodringo is fitter than your average iron man and I, after just four days off the fags, decided I’d run for a couple K just for the fun of it. Check. Me. Out.

Last Sunday morning saw my bikini body seeking campadres and I leave the mania and Mojitos of Rio behind us and make the three hour drive south to Paraty - a beautiful sixteenth century, Portuguese colonial town. A rag-tag bunch of fun-loving, city-slicking, divorced/single, meat-eating, booze-drinking folks all in search of a little good living of a different kind. And four days in it’s looking like we’ve found it.

Originally set up years back by a far more strict regime, the focus here at the camp used to be solely on loosing weight - at any cost. Now, while the results might have been radical in the short term, the number of overweight entertainment wannabes dropping like fat fighting flies half way through the trails and passing out over their paddles became too much (it’s rumoured that this is where Jade Goody’s agent sent her post BB2). Since then things have changed for the better:

06:00 Wake up call (without the booze or late nights it‘s really not so bad)

06:30 Yoga, (I am sure I’m getting less flexible by the day)

08:00 Breakfast, (lots of fruit, yoghurt and a sprinkling of granola. Carbs are kept to a minimum and acai - an Amazonian fruit which, according to Singaporean lawyer Leila, is currently all the rage in NYC. It’s often served frozen and has the look of Nuttella and taste of Hubba Bubba about it)

09:00 Six and eight hours of hiking or kayaking, (Friday it’s a combination of both)

18:00 Yoga, (we’ve yet to have an evening session where at least one of us hasn’t fallen asleep)19:30 Massage, (aside from the eating the best part of the day)

20:30 Dinner, (all food is vegetarian and, it goes without saying, booze is definitely off the menu)

While the schedule doesn’t leave a lot of time for loitering and the level of activity is pretty constant, the emphasis is very much on doing things at your own pace and making the most of seeing the sights as well as feeling the burn. The fighting fit amongst us usually speed on ahead with Rodrigo the local guide, a handsome chap who’s currently in training for a 700k mile triathlon, while those wishing to take a more leisurely approach can loiter at the back with Paddy, an amiable ex Pat who’s more than happy to hold on while you faff with your camera and stop for a restorative raisin or five.

Evenings are devoted to hot showers, massages, yoga, talk of mosquito bites and dinner. Meals are strictly vegetarian, accompanied by ginger tea and, I have to say, are very satisfying indeed, (although I still wistfully look to the kitchen each day in the hope of pudding when the plates are cleared).

The combination of fresh air, plenty of exercise, good food and a little time for the soul is a wonderful thing and the perfect antidote to the PR merry-go-round of fags, booze, super rich food and a phone that never stops ringing.

I’m almost half way through and while there are parts of the day that really push your physical and mental stamina, I’m absolutely loving it. I’m not sure that I’m actually getting any thinner but I’m certainly getting fitter and if the guns were good before I left, yesterday’s five hour kayak across choppy seas followed by a mountain of greens for lunch will see me popping spinach cans with my bare hands in no time.